I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
its liver damage thursday
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
