Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
