I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
