there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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