Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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