wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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