I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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