You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
