Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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