i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
