His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
