I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
