ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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