If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
