Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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