you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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