I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
