hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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