you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
