so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
