I can tuck mytits in my pants
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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