i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love having hate sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
