i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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