I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
