I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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