You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
