After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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