none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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