the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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