atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
