I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Come on in and take your pants off
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