We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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