East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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