i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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