Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
