my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
