He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
