Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
