Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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