I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
