I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
