I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize