Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
