Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
