I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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