i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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