nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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