Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize