And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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