Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
