So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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