So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You can't motorboat a personality
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize