take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
