; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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