I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
