Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize