She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Of course I have a pirate flag
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
