i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
