so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize