All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
