WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
