Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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