In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
