I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
