I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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