guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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