Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
