Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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