Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
