She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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