You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
