I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Randomize
