you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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