I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
